Opinion |
I hate summer in the city. It reminds me of my blissful childhoods by the lake — and all the devastating losses I’ve suffered since. How can I move on? Ask Lisi
Opinion
Based on the author’s interpretations and judgments of facts, data and events
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in ÎÚÑ»´«Ã½. Send her relationship questions via email: lisi@thestar.ca
²ÏÌýOnce again, it’s summer in the city and all I want to do is get out. This is the worst feeling. I grew up going to the lake every summer with my mom and siblings. We had a trailer and her sister had one right next door. We kids would be so helpful packing because we wanted to make sure mom brought all our favourite stuff and that we could leave as soon as humanly possible.
I loved those summers; my cousin and I would be inseparable from the first gas fill-up. I’d switch with his sister, so she could ride with my sister, and he and I would conspire the rest of the journey.
Long days outside in the lake, on the beach, in the woods, dinners by the fire, long nights stargazing and the best sleeps. Both my mom and my aunt have since passed. One trailer succumbed to a fire, unrestorable; the other was ‘stolen’ by my late aunt’s third husband.
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My cousin and I stayed very close until a tragic accident sent him into drug addiction, depression and then one day he disappeared. I think he needed a restart. I’m not angry; I just miss him.
When I wake up to the oppressive summer heat it signals to me that it’s trailer time. I get so sad at this time of year and I just need to get out.
What should I do?
Summers in the city
´¡ÌýI’m so sorry for the many losses you have suffered. It’s clear your childhood summers were idyllic and through no fault of your own, those days are no longer accessible. Each blow pushed it further into a thing of the past.
You didn’t mention your age, a partner or the rest of your family. The obvious question is, why don’t you get a trailer of your own? But perhaps that’s not feasible financially or you don’t have anyone to share it with and going alone isn’t the same. You mentioned a sister and another cousin; might they want to recreate the good old days?
If ownership is out of the question, what about renting for a week? Do you have friends with cottages or cabins? Perhaps see if they would like a guest for a day or two. Take day trips out of the city. Find a river or a lake to jump in to. Being in nature is very grounding and it sounds as though you need that right about now.
It may be too late for this year, but plan ahead for next.
²ÏÌýMy wife has our summer booked from the day she finishes work as a teacher to the day she starts. This is the third year we’ve been in this summer schedule, and though I love that she’s on vacation and that she plans many fun activities, I’m not sure I can keep up.
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We’ve just spent an extended long weekend at her mother’s cottage, with her sister and her two kids. I’m working for three days, but then we’re going camping with friends for another extended long weekend. I work another three days and then we’re driving out East to see family at their cottage.
And at least two of the three nights I’m working, we have dinner plans, drinks with friends on a patio, friends over for socializing, etc. I’m exhausted and need some down time, and I want to spend time alone with my wife.
Summer’s just begun
´¡ÌýAt the first available moment ask your wife if she can meet you for lunch (hopefully she hasn’t booked that up too). Tell her how much fun she makes summertime, how much you love all her planning, but that you simply can’t handle every night socializing and that you want to spend some time alone with her.
Then ask if you can look at the rest of the summer with her and make plans together.
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“Learn to accept that you can only do what you can do; that everyone has mental and physical limits. Accept that some things may not get done within the timeline others may prefer.
“When it all calms down, you can look back and accept that you survived. Years ago, while working on a high-pressure project, my co-worker suddenly passed away from a massive heart attack. The project survived and succeeded. There are always others who have it worse than you.
“Finally, just remember to breathe.â€
Opinion articles are based on the author’s interpretations and judgments of facts, data and events. More details
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in
ÎÚÑ»´«Ã½. Send her relationship questions via email: lisi@thestar.ca
Conversations are opinions of our readers and are subject to the Community Guidelines. ÎÚÑ»´«Ã½ Star does not endorse these opinions.
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